So currently Im feeling sort of lost. I feel like I am unable to write so typing works. Yet I cant post private things on tumblr, my friend will see it. I cant on facebook cause it’ll be seen there too & twitter only have a 140 word count & its not short enough.
I wanted you… I wanted her to call. Even if my mom was asleep, I told her she could talk but I guess not. Guess I always have to do the talking. Its getting annoying.
What also is getting annoying is this “dating” thing. I always seem to want more. Ugh.
Today has been kind of eh for me. I’ve been up & down & Im not so sure why. I just feel good & happy one second the next I am thinking about my future and I feel like shit. Legit, shit. I am a failure & I feel as though I am going no where in life. Blah. And well, all I wanted was to spend the night with her. She makes me feel better. Feel good. And when I think of that, think of her not coming, saying no, I think of one of my ex’s. I remember how she told me I always need someone around how I cant fend for myself, be on my own. It irks me to think that she is right.. may-be right. It irks me a lot. Being by myself I feel as though I go nuts, insane. But when with others I don’t think about myself but of them more. Its a distraction I guess? Hmmm.
Seriously. I wish that she called.. I’ve been waiting. No call. Oh well.
I dont even know if I want to see her now. Today. Later. I feel like I’ll only do it to punish her. To be mean, a jerk to throw her off. To show that it bugged me for not coming. Thats not right. But Im human and I know that this is what people do… just depends on whether I take action on it or not. Guess we’ll see. Hmmm…
